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Sun, Nov. 9th, 2008, 11:18 pm
i dont know if im ready to let this all out yet.

this has been one of the most upsetting birthdays to date.
i invited around 30 people to a get together. only 3 showed up. they all left early. 
i stayed at my parents house that night.

the next day i had only a few txt msg birthday wishes. i guess no one calls anymore.
i got one birthday wish from my mother.
no one called.
no cards, and no calls from family.

i had a trip to easton with my mother, sister, and brother in law.
we never went to AE. the only store i wanted to go there for.

i had dinner with my mother and she decided that didnt have a relationship any more and doesnt support me in anything i am doing.

i ended the night with matt. he made me feel a lot better i guess.
no birthday wishes-.-
i guess he forgot.

maybe i expect too much.

but really i have just pushed everyone away.
therefore, i suffer alone.


Wed, Oct. 29th, 2008, 09:15 pm
getting dizzy,

i feel as if my life is spinning out of control, literally.

i dont kno what to do anymore. 

Mon, Oct. 27th, 2008, 11:49 pm
hm. 92 weeks ago was my last entry.

here goes.
just wanted to say that im still alive and doing okay.

as it would seem. or actually is.
i have transferred from otterbein to the ohio state university.
i like it very much. everything seems better.
its just that i have panic attacks very frequently in the fall and winter. so that is not good.
i have many doc. appts. in the next few weeks. i hope that everything goes well.
you see. i also am plagued with horrible vertigo. ive had a lot of tests.. still no answers. my last hope is that it is BPPV. look it up.
i have some physical therapy appointments to try to correct it.
Otherwise. i guess things are good. I am an art student now. ceramics or sculpture. i cant make up my mind. 
I work in the north market. one of my better jobs. i love the market. and i love that i can walk there.
living in the short north has its perks.

well. thats all. just a short update for now just incase that there is anyone out there that may still look at this.
so it goes.

ciao Miles

Fri, Jan. 5th, 2007, 12:10 am
"yet each man kills the thing he loves"

Wed, May. 31st, 2006, 12:33 am

what the fuck happened to me?

Mon, Apr. 3rd, 2006, 11:54 pm

sometimes i pretend u dont exsist so it doesnt hurt so bad

Fri, Mar. 24th, 2006, 01:21 am
"i tried to update, but then i remembered i dont care"

im ready to fall asleep at my laptop, spring break = boring. i dont have anything to do and i dont want to do anything.. so. uhm. yeah. ive worked my normal hours at work.. i figured.. why pick up more.. i dont need them.. all my money goes to thing i dont need anyway. ive cleaned and re-arranged my room.. which made me happy. and ive done all of my laundry... im talkin like every particle of clothing i own. it took me like.. two days
i met up with miles the other day.. uhm.. problably a mistake.. we ended up messing around and.. i tried to convince myself that i still liked him, even tho that we dated .. over two years ago...
it doesnt seem like that long.. and besides .. he looked good
theres some people that i dont talkt to anymore.. but never really did, like bob .. hm i miss bob... or do i?
my job, platos closet.. eh.. its ok.. cept. that i have to work there and deal with nigerian women that hate us.. and when we tell them that we dont have a public restroom, they go into the dressing room and piss on the floor
i cant read other peoples Lj's .. they are too pathetic.. and dont really say anything to me anymore..
kinda like the direction of this one..

flaggots season is here, and ive been pretty good about goin to all the pratices... cept.. tonight i skipped, my parents and i went out to dinner at uno's pizzeria

and thats where i saw him
will...aka ChefBoiAreDe
i guess that it would only make sense for him to wirk there since he used to work at the one on the west side and since it closed he most likely transfered to the east side..
that doesnt change the fact that i used to have a crush on him, and he looked esp, cute in his uniform
but oh well i hear he dating someone right now anyway

tonight was the only night that i actually wanted to watch ER and i missed it, not that i was doing something else that was of higher importance, but.. i walked upstairs and noticed it was on.. and chose to not watch it from 32 mins in.. because i probably wouldnt understand what was goin on by then.
this pitiful update has become longer than i thougt it would be, but alas continues
ive started to talk to danny
dkmirage via aim
he is goin to pharmacey school, which i think is great,.. i think he was happy too to hear that i was goin into a biology related major.
undergrade=gernal biology
graduates= doctorate of physical therapy, yeah.. they made it a doctorate.. starting this year, so thats 8 years total of education -.-
i hope i get accepted into osu's program for it
anyhow, danny is a great guy,
i jus, like as in right now, talked to paul... he is moving to miami i guess and said some pretty harsh things about ohio and all that.. so i did what i could to defend myself and not moving..
then i told him to go snort a line. and he replied i wish,,.. so much for him bein a future nurse...(not saying i hope he doenst make it) there are plenty of old people is flordia.. thats why i would never want to live there

my dentist and his tech. both explained to me the anatomy of a tooth.. when i was getting my teeth cleaned and having them check for cavities and waht not..
later i told the tech that i wasnt an idiot, and that i learned the anatomy of a tooth, not to mention the whole mouth, in high school anatomy.. also, i am a bio major now.. and ive learned it again..
i had to tell her, my intelligence was insulted..
but it did make me happy to ask the paradontist questions that he didnt kno the answers to

erm, but he did offer to do a frenulectomy for me,..which is the cutting of the tissue under that tounge.. im tounge tied.. so i cant stick out my tounge because my frenulum is connected near the tip of my tounge instead of futher back..
think of the possiblities

Figure A.  frenulum attached way too close to tip of tounge

i could go into other things..but.. its prolly not worth it,.. this journal is mearly little more than exercise for my fingers..

like i need it

Thu, Mar. 23rd, 2006, 08:39 pm
stolen from out in columbus

Can Cartoons Cause This Much Trouble?
Keith Boykin
Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Link to this Article

Remember the day when cartoons were simple mindless animated diversions that didn't delve into politics? Think hard. Neither do I. For as long as I remember, American cartoons from Bugs Bunny to The Jetsons to Scooby Doo have reinforced nationalist xenophobia, traditional gender roles and heterosexist patriarchy. Politics has always been a part of our cartoons, but it usually took place much more subtly than in today's cartoons.

Then as now, cartoons were usually written by adults, even though they were targeted toward children. The line between adult and children's entertainment was always somewhat blurred, but today's animated television shows are so political that you have to wonder if the kids even get it. Shows like Family Guy feature cute talking dogs and surprisingly articulate infants as characters who appeal to children, but the core of that show and others is really about politics.

From The Jetsons to Futurama

Turn on the cartoons today and you'll see they're not what they used to be. From American Dad to The Boondocks, cartoons are no longer teaching kids to accept the way things are. Instead, they are quietly and subversively challenging the political, cultural and socioeconomic status quo. That's a good thing.

Compare Futurama, for example, to The Jetsons. They're both animated shows set in outer space in the future, but that's where the similarities seem to end. For better or worse, The Jetsons affirmed the dominant notion of heterosexual nuclear family structures. In Futurama, on the other hand, one episode features a gay polygamist who goes to the Earth Supreme Court and wins the right to marry his husbands.

The trend toward overt discussion of political ideas seems to have grown popular with the success of The Simpsons, the longest running prime time series on television. But by today's standards, The Simpsons has already lost its edge. Instead, shows like The Boondocks and South Park are not only stirring up controversy on screen, they're generating public debate off screen.

Scientology Scuttles South Park Episode

The latest news is the report that actor Tom Cruise may have intervened to prevent the re-airing of a controversial South Park episode about the church of Scientology. (See the episode here.) The episode was called "Trapped in the Closet," named after the 2005 R. Kelly song and video series about the down low. Although Cruise denies the claims, media reports have indicated that the actor told Viacom he would not promote his new movie MI:3 if the South Park Scientology episode aired. Viacom owns both Paramount Pictures, the distributor of MI:3, and Comedy Central, the home of South Park.

Then we learned that South Park's popular chef, whose voice is performed by Isaac Hayes, has reportedly quit over the same controversy. Other reports indicate that Hayes suffered a stroke and didn't actually quit over the dispute. Whatever the case, who knew that one cartoon could generate so much debate?

Just a few months ago, Rev. Al Sharpton publicly criticized The Boondocks animated series for an episode in which a disgusted Martin Luther King Jr. uses the word "nigger" to describe the behavior of some 21st century African Americans. And earlier this year, right-wing groups protested a remake of the Sister Sledge hit, "We Are Family" on an episode of Spongebob Squarepants, accusing the cartoon of promoting a pro-gay agenda.

Maybe Spongebob is promoting a gay agenda, and maybe Dr. King would have been outraged by what's going on in black America today. That's fine with me. Adults and children need to hear these messages. In a country where free speech is too often confused for treason and blind obedience is frequently mistaken for patriotism, we need courageous people who will stand up and speak out against the oppressive prevailing norms. If the politicians and the media won't do it, at least the animators will still challenge us to think.

Born on the anniversary of Dr. King’s famous March on Washington, Keith Boykin has become one of the nation's leading commentators on race, sexuality and politics. A former White House aide to President Clinton, Keith is also a New York Times bestselling author, reality television star, lawyer, educator and activist. Visit his website, KeithBoykin.com.

Sun, Feb. 26th, 2006, 12:33 am

i think that if there is any heterosexuality left in me.. id give it to mellisa acher..i love that gurl..
tonight... i kissed her on the lips.. and now im in a really cuddlely mode and i wanna go over to her room and spoon..-.-
but thats is.. other than that.. i spose there is nothin left of the person i used to pretend to be.. the heterosexual..sometimes it is so liberating to be gay.. and other times i feel so restricted in what i can do.. i cant date a gurl, or marry one.. let alone marry another guy.. i can have sex to make a baby.. i cant do things that make me feel uncomfortable around a group of straight guys... i have hardly any guy friends.. i dont really get a long with the gays.. and straight hate me..gurls are always there.. so.. maybe thats y i kissed her

Wed, Feb. 22nd, 2006, 09:45 pm

There was the definite smell of male ejaculate when I got in the shower this morning…im really glad I have showers shoes

(stolen from zee evanz)
Random fact about me:
I like the word “shank” and I try to use it as much as I can in daily conversation. The word was first introduced to me while watching HBO’s prison show, OZ.. but later I really heard it in action when my ex. Manager, now district manager, used it when she said she carried a 3in. blade around OSU’s campus, just incase she needed to shank sum bitches…. Cool huh?

I got the cutest package in the mail today.. it is something that I ordered from hong kong.. and the wrapping that it came in is really pretty.. too pretty to unwrap?

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well.. i did

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